I’m the girl that never stopped dreaming. The girl that fell in love with stories and never let them go.
I’m the girl that looks so young, but feels so very old inside. The one that smiles all the time because I remember the years when I couldn’t, and they remind me that every smile is a gift. To feel things, good or bad, is a gift.
I’m a light to many people, but in being a light I’ve found the brighter you shine, the darker your shadows. The truth is that I have a lot of questions, but I rarely say them out loud. Feelings are hard, but they’re harder when they’re hidden.
I’m learning how to say out loud the things that I hold inside.
The truth is that I love hard, in all the ways that love manifests. I love strangers like my friends, and friends like my family. I have a dog that loves so wholly, it sometimes makes me cry. I have a man that I love dearly.
But sometimes I detach from it all, and I don’t quite know why.
I’m the girl that people call quirky, yet they say it as a good thing. I dream between pages in worlds never walked and most days I believe that it’s something very special. I sometimes find it funny that people come to a fantasy writer for advice. I wonder what they’re thinking.
Because the truth is I’m just making it up as I go along. I have dreams and fears, and they fight like cats and dogs. Some days it all feels so heavy, but I keep believing that there’s an answer to it all. That we aren’t just broken pieces wandering without purpose.
I believe the answer is inside us all, and that when we connect with each other, we see a reflection of life’s meaning. For a split second, we’re reminded of what it means to be alive. We feel whole, and it gives us hope that maybe there’s more to life than what we think.
The longer I live, the more I believe we’re all connected in ways that are bigger than ourselves, and the more I believe that we will always exist with both the good and the bad. I sometimes wonder if that’s the whole point. That perhaps both must exist at the same time for us to truly be alive. Without the bad, there is no good. Without contrast, we merely exist.
Maybe we were made to exist in both light and shadow. Maybe that’s what living is.