Me and my "wolf".

Me and my “wolf”.

I am an author. A young woman whose imagination made a mark upon the pages that transport others to a world I created; a world separate from the one we live in now.

But what if I told you that world was my escape? That the characters and the world you read about was the very same one I ran to as a child… and sometimes do today?

The theme to my week seems to be fear. Each time an opportunity falls into my lap to do something greater, I find myself wrestling between fight and flight. Doubt whispers in my ear, telling me I can’t do it. It’s too big. The responsibilities are too great. You’re trapping yourself in another commitment.

I hate commitment.

An example: every week I receive e-mails from a pastor encouraging me to join his church. There’s a class you go through where you meet new people, they talk about their beliefs, and you are welcomed into the family.

I enjoy this church. I like to listen to their pastor give sermons. They make me think about life, about my own beliefs, and they remind me of the Spirit I belong to. Still, I can’t bring myself yet to tell him I may never accept that offer.

I don’t like making promises. I’m an amazing leader, but I hate being responsible for others. I laugh to myself when people ask which character I relate to most in my novels. Whether they meet me for the first time or they’ve known me for years, so many are convinced I resemble the naive, optimistic gypsy named Levee.

What if I told you I always related most to the prince? That his struggles, his fears, and his doubts have paralleled so much to my own?

I have been giving myself pep talks all week over a great opportunity. One of leadership; of benefits and potential. I have every skill needed to exceed. This opportunity invites me to step farther onto a path of success that should have me leaping for joy.

Instead, I’m terrified.

I realize courage is not an easy thing. It exists only in the presence of fear when a person stands up and defies the doubts that are clawing him or her back. No one is born with courage. It’s a badge earned in the face of a difficult challenge.

I admit I’m terrified, but I know I’ll still draw my weapon and stand tall in spite of the quake in my knees. For years, this has been my story. What I’ve learned in life, friends, is that comfort exists only in complacency. We’ll never know what we’re made of until we walk straight into the fire.

It’ll burn, but when we step out we find ourselves refined. That stretch forces us to test what we are capable of. When we test ourselves, we discover what we’re made of, and often that discovery is us realizing we’re stronger than we ever thought possible.

Over and over, I find myself reaching for courage in life. This is my story that parallels with the rogue. In many ways, I think he walks in all of us. He’s that war inside us between doubt and courage. One thing he’s taught me though is that even when we don’t end up where we expect, the journey still stretches onward. So long as we press forward, we will grow, we will learn, and we will find moments that make it all worthwhile.

No matter what your journey is, it always starts with courage. Courage opens doors. It teaches us lessons and leads us onward. Like a sleeping wolf, he dwells within us. Don’t be afraid to wake him.

His is the path to adventure, both in Jaycent’s world and our own.

“This is the part where you may want to give in,
and I will remind you that we both once said,
‘We were born to stumble and to learn
In a stardust covered universe.
We demand the impossible
And tomorrow is earned.'”

-Jakob Dylan


2 thoughts on “Courage

  1. You do not know how much I can share these thoughts, dear Elli…
    Those are the same which lead my mind and heart every time I write my stories or novels…
    Courage opens every door!
    I agree …
    And nowadays, that every person has the opportunity to write (and calls himself a writer) here is that what it takes even more courage to publish!
    It is not a blog or a forum… a novel that you can hold in your hands and feel its consistency, here, so it takes a lot of courage!
    A hug, from someone who understand you quite well 😀 claudine

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