Some days just aren’t that easy. There will be times when you wake up and life feels overcast, like the sky outside your window. Some people will try to explain away the heaviness. They’ll tell you if you just pray a little harder or believe a little stronger, you won’t have to face these moments. They may say depression is a sign of weakness, and the void you feel is the absence and yearning for God in your life.
This is for those who feel like Job, faithful even when you’re enduring trials that don’t seem fair. For the ones whose friends try to tell you these moments are like Karma, or the evidence of something lacking, when really it’s not your fault at all.
You didn’t walk into this battle. This isn’t something you chose. It is a war in which you were drafted, unexpectedly and unwillingly. Yet like a true warrior, you fight. You persevere because you know in spite of your struggle, you have a purpose. There are moments to shine, battles to be won, and times ahead to celebrate. You realize in some strange, ironic way, the pain creates a balance. A contrast that makes the good times so much brighter.
Perhaps I’m meant to live like Jacob, spending the rest of my days with a limp. Either way, I’m still walking. And sometimes… no, often times, I’m even running. Throughout the years I’ve discovered my “limp” is not a weakness. In spite of days like this, my greatest struggle has become a surprising paradox. For even when I’m weak, I possess a strength that wasn’t always there before. My struggles have carved in me wisdom, perception, compassion, and perseverance.
And I dare say I am thankful.
I used to look at moments like these and wonder if they’d ever end. Now, I’m starting to be okay with days where I’m not okay. I persevere because I know that tomorrow might be better. There will be people who don’t understand, and that’s okay.
Throughout the years I’ve learned I’m not the first person to feel alone, or to feel different from everyone else. More of us are walking with a limp these days than ever before. The trick is knowing that it can get better, and to tenaciously pursue such things. The process will probably take pushing yourself, humbleness, asking for help, and trying things we think are impossible… only to find out that impossible is just a word.
I’m rambling again, and I might as well admit I’m just talking to myself as I let my mind work through the cloud that lingers overhead today. The words help me breathe when the heaviness starts to push down. When my thoughts start to stray and I begin to ask questions that don’t have answers. Not here and now, at least.
I push back against the weight that bears down so fiercely. I smile even against the sadness, for suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
I have persevered, and my character is far more developed because of it. I have become a creature of Hope, stubbornly proclaiming light even when the world utters nothing but darkness.
I have conquered darkness, and it will not overtake me.